I thought that this would be as good a place as any to document how each emotion feels to me/how I distinguish them. (Side note: writing this post makes me feel excited for some reason, even though it's not that exciting, to me it's commonplace. So maybe this post is meant more for somebody to identify with, than for my benefit.)
First some thoughts on why I feel certain emotions certain ways. There are those people who hide their emotions very well. They do it very often and are always wearing a mask. Because I'm so trusting, I believe the mask all the time. But, sometimes I see a chink in their mask. I've seen things behind their eyes that they won't explain. I'm a pretty good lie detector, but I'm too trusting of other people and what they say and too doubtful of myself to believe my own gut feelings. There are times when these people are so strong for so long they break, or they lose focus for a second. A second is long enough for an emotion to break through to me. Sometimes they don't even realize it until I say something. Or, the emotion they give off is much stronger than they realized. People who feel emotions like I do feel things much stronger than normal people. I'm affected by television and movies way more in depth than anybody I know. (If anybody remembers the show "That's so Raven", I couldn't watch this when I was younger because I would feel embarrassed for them. I was 10 when it aired, so I should have found it amusing. Every situation they put themselves in would make me very uncomfortable. I would also feel pain when watching reality ER and surgical shows.) Memories tend to carry strong emotions with them, so even my memories of feeling emotions have the feelings attached with them. The longer it's been since I've felt it, the less I am affected. The emotions we try to hide are always the bad ones. They tend to bottle up and get stronger as they "age". The pleasant emotions we tend to share, or at least don't mind sharing with others. These come to me all the time, but they aren't usually very strong. Except for the couple of times where I felt so excited I was literally bouncing and shaking, trying to contain myself and it was difficult. There have been plenty of occasions where I felt like I wasn't in control of what I was doing or saying, which is one of my biggest fears. Excitement is one of them lol. Anyways...There are other people who show emotion all the time. I don't get much from these people, leading me to believe that the reason I feel emotions is to be someone who understands what they are going through, because I can actually feel what they are experiencing. The only frustrating part is when they won't tell me why lol. It's fine that they don't. It's personal. I get it. I'm the one invading on their emotions, not the other way around. I would just appreciate to know what emotion I'm getting if I've never felt it before, and why would be nice ;) Ok enough rambling, now to the actual emotions:
Energy- This is very broad and general and is attached with each emotion. With intense emotions it feels like I have energy running down my arm. I have to shake it out for it to go away. (some of my friends find this amusing; I do too lol. I've also used it as a way to let them know that I'm personally ok, good in a pinch when unable to communicate, for example during class). Only issue with this is that it can last a very long time. Even more extended than the emotion lasts. Longest has lasted several hours.
Joy and happiness- These are simple, self-explanatory. I feel light and good. These aren't as strong, but definitely more pleasant.
Depression- I've felt this myself before so it mostly just feels the way I normally would feel it. Like there's a hole where your heart used to be. Almost like you can stick your hand through your chest and feel the empty space.
Sadness- This one is interesting. For me it's more like a "someone is crying or wants to cry detector". Basically I feel like I could cry on command for no reason. Or I feel like I have to yawn a lot, and when I do I tear up then feel like I'm about to burst into tears. This is great when you're in class lol.
Anxiety- I've had anxiety since I was six. So, I know what anxiety feels like to me. Until last year I never had any actual physical symptoms, other than the usual shortness of breath, embarrassment, and the internal freak out that follows. Now when someone else is nervous I feel shaky and my heart pounds. It feels like it's racing even though when I check it (yes it makes me look like a compulsive heart rate checker) it's not even over 80.
Tension or Awkwardness- Totally feels like something is heavy in the air. It's more of an outward feeling than an inward feeling. If I walk into a room and the people I go up to were just having a difficult or heated conversation, I feel like it's hanging there like a cloud made of static.
Anger- this emotion feels hot. Like a hot bolt of energy. Most of the emotions above I can keep pretty hidden, I mean aside from the shaking, sometimes I don't have a choice in that matter. Anger is one that I can't keep from showing. It comes on so fast I can't stop from expressing the shock.
Hate- this one is tricky for me. I don't personally have anybody in my life that I have ever truly hated. I have so much compassion for people that I can't hate them, but I can strongly dislike their personality. I do have to say that hate is an awful feeling that eats at you. Somewhat like acid in the pit of your stomach.
Physical pain- This one is also interesting. I can get nausea really easy from certain people. The worst though is actual pain. To me it's like bone pain. I feel it deep inside like it's on my bone. I can usually handle pain really well. Heck, I have two tattoos which when getting them were not terrible. (Except for the touch up of my first. Hurt worse than anything I have ever experienced in my life. Probably because it was digging into not only a physical nerve, but also an emotional one.) When I was younger I would watch medical tv all the time, mostly because it's one of my mom's favorite genres. I remember seeing a surgery or emergency patient with a wound of some kind, and I would have bone pain in a similar location.
*This post is a work in progress. I would appreciate any comments related to what I've written so far, and also any new emotions you would like for me to give a crack at explaining, or experiencing if you are feeling emotional :P jk
No comments:
Post a Comment